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When I was little my grandfather one Christmas gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of Band-Aids, and said, "You two share."

Steven Wright

Quotation #13123

About This Quote

Attributed in Judy Brown, The Comedy Thesaurus: 3,241 Quips, Quotes, and Smartass Remarks (2005)

Source: Attributed in Judy Brown, The Comedy Thesaurus: 3,241 Quips, Quotes, and Smartass Remarks (2005)

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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake...." — Dave Barry

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

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Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything.

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Henry S. Haskins

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