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Grandmothers

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My grandmother's ninety. She's dating. He's ninety-three. They're very happy; they never argue. They can't hear each other.

Cathy Ladman

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I know that some lesbians are getting pregnant by going to sperm banks. I couldn't do that. I'm exactly like my grandmother, "What? Everything's frozen! Nothing's fresh?"

Judy Carter

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

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God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.

Ethel Mumford

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My granddad used to say, "If everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your grandma."

Gary Muledeer

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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Rita Rudner

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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

Erma Bombeck

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