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Fred Allen

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California is a fine place to live–if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

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I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Fred Allen

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A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen

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Won't say I hate you–but my admiration for you is under control.

Fred Allen

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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 A.M. and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 P.M. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch.

Fred Allen

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A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Fred Allen

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Advertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Fred Allen

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