“I'm reading Hints from Heloise, and she says that if you put an angora sweater in the freezer for an hour, it won't shed for the rest of the day. And I'm thinking, "My cat sheds an awful lot."Ellen DeGeneres
“I got into a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into corners very well."Emo Philips
“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes–and six months later you have to start all over again.Joan Rivers
“In Berlin, a laundromat was raided because it was a front for a brothel. You know what tipped police off? Men doing laundry.Jay Leno
“The Christmas tree inspires a love/hate relationship. All that time spent selecting and decorating, and a week after, you see it by the side of the road, like a mob hit. A car slows down, a door opens and a tree rolls out. People snap out of Christmas spirit like it was a drunken stupor, "There's a tree inside the house! Throw it anywhere."Jerry Seinfeld