“I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.Rodney Dangerfield
“If you ever go bar hopping, who do you want to take with you? You want a slightly uglier version of yourself. Similar … but slightly uglier.Dan Ariely
“I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky. But there wasn't any gum under any of them.Emo Philips
“I went up to a girl in a bar once and asked her where she was from. I guess she wasn't interested, because she said, "Mars." So I asked, "You need a ride home?"Ray Romano