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Bars

“

Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

Daniel Lybra

“

I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

“

If you ever go bar hopping, who do you want to take with you? You want a slightly uglier version of yourself. Similar … but slightly uglier.

Dan Ariely

“

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky. But there wasn't any gum under any of them.

Emo Philips

“

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

Emo Philips

“

I went up to a girl in a bar once and asked her where she was from. I guess she wasn't interested, because she said, "Mars." So I asked, "You need a ride home?"

Ray Romano

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