“You know you're getting old; there are certain signs. I walked past a cemetery, and two guys ran after me with shovels.Rodney Dangerfield
“I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept trying to cover me up.Rodney Dangerfield
“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.Rodney Dangerfield
“I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.Rodney Dangerfield