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Margaret Smith

“

I've been sort of crabby lately. It's that time of the month again–the rent's due.

Margaret Smith

“

The older you get, the higher you wear your underwear. Like rings on a tree. Eighty, ninety years old, your breasts are inside them. When you die, they just pull them up over your head.

Margaret Smith

“

It's true that misery loves company. If you ever doubt that, look at a No-Pest Strip. It's covered with flies. You'd think that the first fly would tell any others "Go around! Go around!"

Margaret Smith

“

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's a train.

Margaret Smith

“

I adopted a baby. I wanted a highway, but it was a lot of red tape.

Margaret Smith

“

I went out to dinner with a Marine. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, "I'll just have toast then."

Margaret Smith

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