“I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.Johnny Carson
“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.Johnny Carson
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.Johnny Carson