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George Burns

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It’s nice to be here. When you’re 99 years old, it’s nice to be anywhere.

George Burns

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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

George Burns

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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.

George Burns

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Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.

George Burns

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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

George Burns

“

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns

“

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns

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