“I broke up with my girlfriend. She moved in with another guy, and I draw the line at that.Garry Shandling
“They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.Garry Shandling
“We've all done this, because we're so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go "Mooo!" Like we expect the cow to think, "Hey, there's another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?"Garry Shandling
“They say you can compare a man's shoe size to his manhood. So that's why I keep my skis on everywhere I go.Garry Shandling
“I met a new girl at a barbecue. A very pretty blonde girl, I think. I don't know for sure. Her hair was on fire. And all she talked about was herself. "I'm on fire!" You know the type. "Jesus Christ, help me! Put me out!" Come on, can we talk about me a little bit?Garry Shandling