Quotes by Billy Connolly

“

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

“

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on.

“

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

“

Don't vote, it only encourages them.

“

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

“

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

“

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn’t try it on.