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Surreal

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I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.

Jarod Kintz

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She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla ice cream.

Jarod Kintz

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If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).

Jarod Kintz

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Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.

Jarod Kintz

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I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.

Jarod Kintz

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