“I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.Jarod Kintz
“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.Jarod Kintz
“Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone.Jarod Kintz
“I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.Jarod Kintz
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called.Jarod Kintz
“He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.Jarod Kintz